No, he is not talking about how to save whales or protect Earth from global warming.

Ecology has to be understood as the effects that your outcome will have. Because maybe you apparently want the outcome in the short term, but you may not desire or be prepared to deal with the consequences of your outcome.

If that is the case, not only you will feel sorry for your choices but also you may sabotage yourself in pursuing your goals.

Let’s examine Shock and Awe, the version of getting a Fool’s Mate game (an instant seduction that will lead to sex in some minutes instead of 4-10 hours as classically described in The Venusian Arts Handbook).

According to many prominent members in the seduction community, the result of instant sex can be a hollow and depressive feeling. My guess is that this is a clear example of ecology not receiving proper attention.

What is ecology, then?

According to O’Connor, ecology is a concern for the overall system. You check if your changes in specific areas are not going to cause negative side-effects in other areas. NLP takes ecology as an important part to keep an overall balance of the system.

You have internal ecology, which can be checked with questions such as “is this worth the price?”, “what are the wider consequences of my action?” and so on. Basically, it is checking if that is what you really want. Check your own gut.

I remember when I met Nathan from RSD last year and that is probably what he meant. Nathan talked for about three minutes. But in such short time he made a powerful communication that I still remember: Feel your own gut. Be who you are meant to be.

There is also an external ecology. What are the consequences for people who are important to you? Here again I see a reason why there are reports of depression when using Shock and Awe without having a true human connection.

In internal ecology, we want love. Yes, that’s right, even contrary to all that the flashy TV commercials and media and entertainment industry may lead us to believe. Sex is not enough, but some of us will only learn this by experience.

In the external ecology, we want our girls to feel happy! And we feel miserable when she regrets having sex on the next day, and avoids to even looking at our face when we both see each other on the street.

So the old saying remains true: be careful what you ask for. Do your ecology tests in advance when preparing your outcome statements. This will maximize your efficacy in achieving your goals by avoiding self-sabotage and will lead you to much more happiness and away from dissatisfaction and pain.

(continues)

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1. People respond to their experience and not to reality itself

What is reality? Here we could enter the delicate and infinite debate on philosophy and What-Is-The-Matrix type of discussion. The fact is that we can only perceive reality through our senses and interpretation. We do not know the territory, only the map.

What???

Flies do not see the world as humans do. We have different maps of reality. Similarly, two different people may see the same thing, but have completely different associations to what they see.

Neither we nor the fly can see the reality. We see a map of reality.

Don’t even have to go so far away: color-blinded people see the world differently. Another map of reality.

Now, we can explore this even beyond the realm of colors and shapes, but also to the emotional associations. A melancholic gothic drinking wine under the moonlight in a cemetery certainly has a different map of reality than a hedonistic playboy drinking his poison in a boat party.

What is interesting about NLP is that we will learn how to manipulate the maps of reality in our heads so we can better achieve our outcomes.

2. Having a choice is better than having no choice

In creating our maps, it is positive to have maps that give us the widest number of choices so we can become freer.

3. People make the best choice they can at the time

This is tricky. Seems obvious, but in my interpretation there is a subtlety here. The person always makes the best choice they can see, even though it is negative, self-defeating or evil.

I remember what Tyler says in his presentation in the RSD Transformations DVD program: he says with no trace of doubt that if he gives one million dollars to his audience, in some years 90% of them would get back to their original financial level. They would spend all the money with parties and unnecessary things throwing the money away.

Similarly, sometimes a woman without enough self-esteem will prefer to be with some average dude or even with an abusing jerk than with a man with lots of positive qualities and who really adores her. If she does not believe she deserves to have a great man, she will reject him at a certain point in the relationship.

She is not worthy.

The same thing applies to men. Countless times I remember I was interacting with an absolutely gorgeous woman, a perfect 10, and I sabotaged myself.

Some weeks ago I was in Poland having an instant date with a fashion model I met in a shopping mall. Instead of chilling and be an attractive man, I spent the whole interaction being needy and thinking to myself “oh my God this woman is soooo beautiful – I cannot believe she is here with me”.

I was not worthy.

At the end, it was an average interaction, no sexual tension, no romance in the air. Just some random talk in the cafe and exchange of email and numbers. Never saw or heard from her again.

So that is why it is important to have a healthy map in your head and know which that the best choice for you is the best one! In that case the best choice for me was second best, which meant women who were less physically attractive and therefore more appropriate for me.

A perfect 10 would just ignite “I cannot believe” type of thoughts and I would sabotage myself, because it seemed to be the best choice.

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