From Victor With Love

To illustrate how to apply the pillars of NLP into your life, let us get the classic example of the “one-itis” syndrome.

Example:

Victor, there is this one girl from my school. I am quite good with the ladies, nothing extraordinary, but did have some nice girlfriends in the past. So far so good, but… this one is special! How can I get this special one? Thanks man!

- Fred, Orange County

Hi Fred. Your case about this special one is a classic situation. In the so-called seduction community, the technical term is one-itis, the belief that this one is the only one to the point you cannot think of anyone else but her.

I will be writing a lot about this topic here but for the purposes of applying the NLP pillars into your life I would say that, to start, you need to define the outcome.

Only “I so much would like to be her boyfriend” is not an outcome. It is a wishful thought. Try to imagine Goofy in love. That’s what he would say.

A well-defined outcome would look like this: “By the end of next week I want to have a clear idea of how attractive I am. I will combine my self-evaluation with external opinions. With this clear and honest self-image of who I am, I will immediately start working on my weaknesses. As I want to approach that girl before Summer break, I have three months and will everything it takes to become an interesting, confident man who will be ready to give his best.”

See one particular piece: do your self-evaluation. And be honest. You say in your email that you are “quite good with the ladies” but “nothing extraordinary”. What do you mean by this? That sometimes you “get lucky” but you do not have consistent attraction? Ask your true friends what they think of you as a potential lover. Tell them you are doing self-improvement programs and this is one exercise. If they are your real friends, they will be happy to help and relieved to finally have the chance to be honest to you without hurting your feelings.

This is just one simple example and you are encouraged to develop a detailed plan and, most importantly, put it into practice. Note that this outcome is mostly centralized in you. Not her.

I see some men who instead of centralizing the action in themselves (remember pillar number one: you are responsible), they would centralize the whole world in the woman! So they waste time being creepy trying to discover all the likes and dislikes of the girl, sometimes Googling her name to find out more about her, searching her and her friends in Facebook, Myspace or any possible social network in hope of finding one clue to know what are the secrets to open her heart.

Believe me, friends: this does not work. And to tell you more… I was also one of these types! So I speak from my own experience.

What you have to do instead is to wake up for the cold hard reality and see what is missing in you. Be it confidence, attitude, better shape, better grooming, the right body language, the right “tactic” or “routine”, strong “inner game”… you name it! But most of the work has to be done on you. Be mature and allow yourself to have this realization.

This realization shall be combined with the romantic obsession you have about this special one as leverage to promote your changes. Now feedback and flexibility come into place. Probably you have been in love with this one girl for quite some time, and had weak results (if any) so far. Maybe you managed to become her friend and are now in the “let’s just be friends zone”.

Pay attention to what you are doing. You are doing the same things again and again. Which results have you attained? Not the desired ones. Therefore now it is time to be flexible and adopt alternative strategies, to change your mind and your paradigms. Change your attitude! Look for information (there is plenty of it here) and put these new ideas into practice. That is the only way to get results, to transform yourself and become a fulfilled individual.

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