From Victor With Love

4. People work perfectly

Nobody is wrong or broken, says O’Connor. If we are doing something that can be considered wrong, it is because we are applying the wrong strategy. The strategy is wrong, we as people are not.

Because of that, it is important to understand which strategies we use and, to maximize results, we have to improve our strategies.

5. All actions have a purpose

We are not robots doing random movements. We have a purpose to what we are doing, even if we are not fully aware of the reasons to keep doing what we do.

6. Every behaviour has a positive intention

This one is connected to pressuposition 5. Everything we do we do for a purpose. We want to accomplish something of value. If we have a choice (see pressuposition 2) that also achieves our positive intention, we take it.

7. The unconscious mind balances the conscious; it is not malicious

The unconscious mind has all the resources we need to live in balance.

8. The meaning of the communication is not simply what you intend but also the response you get

Here I also relate to one of the experiences that Tyler mentions in the Transformations program. At a certain moment of a relationship with a girl he adored, she said she would love to talk to him every single day.

As Tyler wanted to be nice, he phoned her daily.

So, after some days, to his surprise she says she is getting annoyed that he is calling her too much.

To that, Tyler says: but that is what you said you wanted me to do!!

And to his dismay she replies “No, I never said that!” And they broke up.

He wanted to communicate how caring he was. On her side of the communication, she felt he was needy and boring. The meaning of the communication comprises what was intended and also the response got.

How many times we don’t experience this type of situation?

Somebody comes to you and ask “how do I look” and begs you to be sincere. You turn on “sincere mode” and booom – you are in trouble. So be mindful of this pressuposition: the meaning of the communication that you establish does not purely depend on your intentions. So you have to keep in mind that you need also to deliver your messages in a way that your interlocutor will produce the expected response.

The point is that in communications it is necessary to understand what happens in the two or more poles that are part of the communication. What are your intentions as a communicator do matter, but it is also necessary to understand the responses you will get.

Much of NLP is about results. If you do not get the desired results, it is time to use this failure as feedback and be flexible, using other approaches. You are responsible for the communication.

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