He was returning to LA from a press conference in Europe. And - guess what - he’s preparing a new book. More about it later.

I told him about the From Victor With Love blog and he was very interested about the project, and his immediate advice justified why I chose him to be one of my mentors: “Analysing is good, but do not forget the practice” - he said, with his chilled smile.

I assured him that practice is being taken care of. My next days are very promising in Central Europe.

Truth is, I was stunned to meet Style by chance in the airport so there were many things I wanted to say that I only realized when we went to our respective gates.

Neil, if you’re reading this, let me thank you for the bottom of my heart. I am a latecomer to the seduction community and only came to know about the work of Mystery, Steve P., the RSD boys, Lance and so many others because of your book, The Game.

Having discovered this new world and also being one of your students in the Stylelife Academy was one of my most significant experiences to becoming the person I am today.

Becoming a better person is not a isolated event in one’s life. During one year in the game, I met incredible people and will write more about it when it is appropriate. But my message is that you have sparked the desire to constantly improve and learn and overcome my limitations. Thank you.

p.s. Now, one curiosity question I always wanted to ask you: when I went to Belgrade I never found the bar you mention in The Game. I imagine that you have changed the name for the purposes of the book?

It was from a video with Daniel Johnson that I learned how to manage this problem. I will soon write a review on this product, which is great. Just let me say that it was one of the few products on the seduction community that I found to be immediately applicable and which changed my attitude and brought me great results.

But I have other news. Today I just talked to Lance Mason on the phone.

I’m flying to San Francisco soon and if I manage to meet these folks, I’ll post an exclusive and very interesting interview here. Stay tuned.

No, he is not talking about how to save whales or protect Earth from global warming.

Ecology has to be understood as the effects that your outcome will have. Because maybe you apparently want the outcome in the short term, but you may not desire or be prepared to deal with the consequences of your outcome.

If that is the case, not only you will feel sorry for your choices but also you may sabotage yourself in pursuing your goals.

Let’s examine Shock and Awe, the version of getting a Fool’s Mate game (an instant seduction that will lead to sex in some minutes instead of 4-10 hours as classically described in The Venusian Arts Handbook).

According to many prominent members in the seduction community, the result of instant sex can be a hollow and depressive feeling. My guess is that this is a clear example of ecology not receiving proper attention.

What is ecology, then?

According to O’Connor, ecology is a concern for the overall system. You check if your changes in specific areas are not going to cause negative side-effects in other areas. NLP takes ecology as an important part to keep an overall balance of the system.

You have internal ecology, which can be checked with questions such as “is this worth the price?”, “what are the wider consequences of my action?” and so on. Basically, it is checking if that is what you really want. Check your own gut.

I remember when I met Nathan from RSD last year and that is probably what he meant. Nathan talked for about three minutes. But in such short time he made a powerful communication that I still remember: Feel your own gut. Be who you are meant to be.

There is also an external ecology. What are the consequences for people who are important to you? Here again I see a reason why there are reports of depression when using Shock and Awe without having a true human connection.

In internal ecology, we want love. Yes, that’s right, even contrary to all that the flashy TV commercials and media and entertainment industry may lead us to believe. Sex is not enough, but some of us will only learn this by experience.

In the external ecology, we want our girls to feel happy! And we feel miserable when she regrets having sex on the next day, and avoids to even looking at our face when we both see each other on the street.

So the old saying remains true: be careful what you ask for. Do your ecology tests in advance when preparing your outcome statements. This will maximize your efficacy in achieving your goals by avoiding self-sabotage and will lead you to much more happiness and away from dissatisfaction and pain.

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As an unfolding of pressuposition 4, we are resourceful people. Maybe we can be temporarily in a state of mind that does not help much, but this can be changed.

10. Mind and body form a system. They are different expressions of one person.

This one is key to using NLP for better relationships. Think of the last time you and your friends were in the car driving to a party, banging your heads, shaking your shoulders and arms to the rhythm of your favourite music. Can be a classic rock n’roll, a cheesy Hed Kandi house hit of the season or anything else that puts you into state.

Now with this song in your mind, do exactly the same movements you did in the car. Shake your bones. Don’t worry, nobody is watching.

If you followed this simple exercise you noticed that with these movements of your body your mental state has also changed. Perhaps even your breathing and heart beats have got accelerated as well.

Point being, the mind and the body are two entities of a single unity: you. When we want to promote changes in our mind, we can use our body and the other way round is also true. Thinking differently will make our body respond differently.

This can be used make yourself more relaxed and less analytical. Very useful to deal with approach anxiety. We will discuss more on the practical uses later.

Something that derives from this pressuposition that is also equally important is that by being a good observer of the body you can be able to read which mental state the other person is probably in. This is a powerful tool for communication.

Tyler has an excellent article describing how women can be in lockup or unlocked states. Not only you should be able to notice this according to the blowoff answers she gives, but also by her facial expression and body language, which reflect her mental state.

11. We process information through our senses

Thus, to get “superpowers” it is important to develop our senses. The more precise they are the better information will be processed by us.

12. Modelling successful performance leads to excellence

This is one of the reasons that From Victor With Love goes into the minimal details of the reviewed products of the selected Mentors.

Remember pressupositions 4 and 9: you work perfectly and you have all the resources. You can learn from successful models and replicate the success and get better results. For that, it is important to understand that each person is different (remember the fly vision example?). As your map is different from the map from your Mentor, you should not try to clone him. You can get some results, but these will not be optimized to your reality.

Instead, it is important to examine why each of these models are successful and then, understanding the underlying reasons, adapt and incorporate their patterns into your personality so you can organically improve your own maps of reality. Learn from your Mentors, but do not copy-paste what they do.

Just to illustrate, I’ve seen some friends trying to use Mystery Method in telling, word by word, the same DHV (demonstrations of higher value) stories… from Mystery! I know one guy who completely stole the story of the stripper girlfriend who was chased by Biff-from-Back-to-the-Future bullies that Mystery tells in one of his seminars. Sometimes some girls fall into it, because it is indeed a story with lots of emotional spikes and DHVs. But I am sure that deep inside he does not feel proud of telling a story he stole from someone else. And for the good observer, it looks incongruent in some points, no matter how good his delivery is.

The punch line is: adapt the methods to your character and life experiences. You can borrow some lines as a training wheel for some time. But do not become a social robot.

13. If you want to understand, act

This is what you have seen many times before. Do not become a seminar junkie! Just trying to understand all this without practicing, as Tyler says, is like reading a book on lifting weights and never actually lifting weights!

The other opposite is also true. If you just do things without having absolutely no theory from some Mentor or a good ability to examine your actions, take feedback and be flexible with different approaches (and then creating your own theories), you will hardly progress.

The balance is in between. Get the knowledge. Apply it. Go experiment. It does not matter if you do not get it right on the first times. It is not failure; it is feedback to calibrate your knowledge into applied practice. Just do it.
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Nobody is wrong or broken, says O’Connor. If we are doing something that can be considered wrong, it is because we are applying the wrong strategy. The strategy is wrong, we as people are not.

Because of that, it is important to understand which strategies we use and, to maximize results, we have to improve our strategies.

5. All actions have a purpose

We are not robots doing random movements. We have a purpose to what we are doing, even if we are not fully aware of the reasons to keep doing what we do.

6. Every behaviour has a positive intention

This one is connected to pressuposition 5. Everything we do we do for a purpose. We want to accomplish something of value. If we have a choice (see pressuposition 2) that also achieves our positive intention, we take it.

7. The unconscious mind balances the conscious; it is not malicious

The unconscious mind has all the resources we need to live in balance.

8. The meaning of the communication is not simply what you intend but also the response you get

Here I also relate to one of the experiences that Tyler mentions in the Transformations program. At a certain moment of a relationship with a girl he adored, she said she would love to talk to him every single day.

As Tyler wanted to be nice, he phoned her daily.

So, after some days, to his surprise she says she is getting annoyed that he is calling her too much.

To that, Tyler says: but that is what you said you wanted me to do!!

And to his dismay she replies “No, I never said that!” And they broke up.

He wanted to communicate how caring he was. On her side of the communication, she felt he was needy and boring. The meaning of the communication comprises what was intended and also the response got.

How many times we don’t experience this type of situation?

How do I look?

The point is that in communications it is necessary to understand what happens in the two or more poles that are part of the communication. What are your intentions as a communicator do matter, but it is also necessary to understand the responses you will get.

Much of NLP is about results. If you do not get the desired results, it is time to use this failure as feedback and be flexible, using other approaches. You are responsible for the communication.

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1. People respond to their experience and not to reality itself

What is reality? Here we could enter the delicate and infinite debate on philosophy and What-Is-The-Matrix type of discussion. The fact is that we can only perceive reality through our senses and interpretation. We do not know the territory, only the map.

What???

Flies do not see the world as humans do. We have different maps of reality. Similarly, two different people may see the same thing, but have completely different associations to what they see.

Neither we nor the fly can see the reality. We see a map of reality.

Don’t even have to go so far away: color-blinded people see the world differently. Another map of reality.

Now, we can explore this even beyond the realm of colors and shapes, but also to the emotional associations. A melancholic gothic drinking wine under the moonlight in a cemetery certainly has a different map of reality than a hedonistic playboy drinking his poison in a boat party.

What is interesting about NLP is that we will learn how to manipulate the maps of reality in our heads so we can better achieve our outcomes.

2. Having a choice is better than having no choice

In creating our maps, it is positive to have maps that give us the widest number of choices so we can become freer.

3. People make the best choice they can at the time

This is tricky. Seems obvious, but in my interpretation there is a subtlety here. The person always makes the best choice they can see, even though it is negative, self-defeating or evil.

I remember what Tyler says in his presentation in the RSD Transformations DVD program: he says with no trace of doubt that if he gives one million dollars to his audience, in some years 90% of them would get back to their original financial level. They would spend all the money with parties and unnecessary things throwing the money away.

Similarly, sometimes a woman without enough self-esteem will prefer to be with some average dude or even with an abusing jerk than with a man with lots of positive qualities and who really adores her. If she does not believe she deserves to have a great man, she will reject him at a certain point in the relationship.

She is not worthy.

The same thing applies to men. Countless times I remember I was interacting with an absolutely gorgeous woman, a perfect 10, and I sabotaged myself.

Some weeks ago I was in Poland having an instant date with a fashion model I met in a shopping mall. Instead of chilling and be an attractive man, I spent the whole interaction being needy and thinking to myself “oh my God this woman is soooo beautiful – I cannot believe she is here with me”.

I was not worthy.

At the end, it was an average interaction, no sexual tension, no romance in the air. Just some random talk in the cafe and exchange of email and numbers. Never saw or heard from her again.

So that is why it is important to have a healthy map in your head and know which that the best choice for you is the best one! In that case the best choice for me was second best, which meant women who were less physically attractive and therefore more appropriate for me.

A perfect 10 would just ignite “I cannot believe” type of thoughts and I would sabotage myself, because it seemed to be the best choice.

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Mehow is clear and direct:

Before we can get the girl to love us, she has to spend some time with us.

I will complement and illustrate this idea by telling one of many frustrated experiences I had in the past.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that at a certain point in the interaction, you just have to isolate. Many times you will forget this, and your chances of getting the girl will be reduced.

I remember once I was in Switzerland walking by the lake and met a group of three beautiful French girls sitting and chatting after doing some shopping. I came by very naturally and my opener was short and simple: “Bonjour!”

They replied back good morning very politely. Then I ran the most absurd line as possible: “Le chien veut manger le boeuf” (The dog wants to eat beef). They just stared at me completely puzzled. I waited two seconds of suspense and continued saying that I was just practicing my French. The tension was broken into some smiles and then I sat, locking into the set, as Mehow would say.

What is important about this experience is that I spent half an hour talking to these French ladies. And did no isolation, which was my fatal mistake.

Danielle was my favorite girl. This suntanned brunette had a charming smile and sparking eyes radiating happiness. I could sense her positive energy from a mile of distance. She was sending lots of indications of interest, being very talkative, asking personal questions, touching her hair… and our eye contact was inviting, to say the least.

All you need is isolation. Create the magical bubble between the two of you to move for the Comfort phase.

We did not engage in the intimate conversation necessary to move ahead into comfort. They had to catch their train and I had to go back home. We never saw each other again.

“Back to me”, I hear Mehow saying…

So, how is isolation done?

Mehow does not enter into detail in this section. There is just one explanation for that: it is simple. Just do it.

In my situation above, I could just tease Danielle saying “You’re great and I have to talk to you for a second. Will you guys allow us to talk for one minute over there?”

As I already opened the whole group subcommunicating my attractive qualities, I can say that with 95% of chances they would say yes. It would not be an obstacle.

One valuable tip from Get the Girl! is that to talk to the woman long enough to have a solid phone number, say at least 30 minutes, you need to “lock in”, which means sitting comfortably or leaning against a wall. Anywhere you can be comfortable.

This should be simple and it is so important. Write me with your experiences if you have difficulty doing the isolation. I will be pleased to give you any assistance to you.

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The large majority of pickup theories agree in one point: comfort is the most important phase of the attraction. That’s also what common sense tells us, and that is why the average guy approaches the girl trying to immediately get rapport with the lines “hi, how are you?”, “what do you like to do on the weekends” and so on.

What is wrong in these examples?

Maybe if your are Brad Pitt you can start with rapport… otherwise, pay attention to the order of things: first the opening, then the attraction and finally isolate to build comfort

The opening, attraction and isolation phases are necessary, even they may look weird. They are useful in allowing your entry to the comfort stage.

According to Mystery (and seconded by Mehow) the ideal comfort phase lasts from 4 to 10 hours. It is possible to accelerate this, by doing hypnosis, NLP commands or using other strategies, such as RSD’s Shock and Awe, all of which will be soon explored in detail here.

However, one word of warning: first, it is important that you learn how to do the regular 4 to 10 hour comfort. Only then you will be ready to use accelerators when appropriate. I personally do NOT recommend it.

The reason is that I know many people who used accelerators and almost all of them relate that they felt bad, heavily depressed and did not have any satisfaction. They report that on the day after, the women feel guilty about having intimacy with someone they did not have comfort with. Obviously this hardly leads to a healthy relationship. So they start to avoid seeing each other.

So what is the comfort phase about?

Well, it is where you finally get to know her!

Have you ever heard the expression “social mask”? The social mask is used in different contexts. In the family circle, we use one, which is different from the social mask at the office, which is different from the social mask at the gym and so on.

In the nightlife, even when having fun, that gorgeous girl can be wearing the “I’m a bitch and I just came here to dance” social mask. This does not mean at all she is a cold insensible party girl. That is not her – it is her social mask!

Understand that this is just a social mask, and that she is probably a lovely person to get to know. But you have to be able to do the comfort stage properly. The next posts will explore how Mehow recommends doing it.

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Example:

Victor, there is this one girl from my school. I am quite good with the ladies, nothing extraordinary, but did have some nice girlfriends in the past. So far so good, but… this one is special! How can I get this special one? Thanks man!

- Fred, Orange County

Hi Fred. Your case about this special one is a classic situation. In the so-called seduction community, the technical term is one-itis, the belief that this one is the only one to the point you cannot think of anyone else but her.

I will be writing a lot about this topic here but for the purposes of applying the NLP pillars into your life I would say that, to start, you need to define the outcome.

Goofy in love: I would loooove to be her boyfriend… but she does not notice me…

A well-defined outcome would look like this: “By the end of next week I want to have a clear idea of how attractive I am. I will combine my self-evaluation with external opinions. With this clear and honest self-image of who I am, I will immediately start working on my weaknesses. As I want to approach that girl before Summer break, I have three months and will everything it takes to become an interesting, confident man who will be ready to give his best.”

See one particular piece: do your self-evaluation. And be honest. You say in your email that you are “quite good with the ladies” but “nothing extraordinary”. What do you mean by this? That sometimes you “get lucky” but you do not have consistent attraction? Ask your true friends what they think of you as a potential lover. Tell them you are doing self-improvement programs and this is one exercise. If they are your real friends, they will be happy to help and relieved to finally have the chance to be honest to you without hurting your feelings.

This is just one simple example and you are encouraged to develop a detailed plan and, most importantly, put it into practice. Note that this outcome is mostly centralized in you. Not her.

I see some men who instead of centralizing the action in themselves (remember pillar number one: you are responsible), they would centralize the whole world in the woman! So they waste time being creepy trying to discover all the likes and dislikes of the girl, sometimes Googling her name to find out more about her, searching her and her friends in Facebook, Myspace or any possible social network in hope of finding one clue to know what are the secrets to open her heart.

Believe me, friends: this does not work. And to tell you more… I was also one of these types! So I speak from my own experience.

What you have to do instead is to wake up for the cold hard reality and see what is missing in you. Be it confidence, attitude, better shape, better grooming, the right body language, the right “tactic” or “routine”, strong “inner game”… you name it! But most of the work has to be done on you. Be mature and allow yourself to have this realization.

This realization shall be combined with the romantic obsession you have about this special one as leverage to promote your changes. Now feedback and flexibility come into place. Probably you have been in love with this one girl for quite some time, and had weak results (if any) so far. Maybe you managed to become her friend and are now in the “let’s just be friends zone”.

Pay attention to what you are doing. You are doing the same things again and again. Which results have you attained? Not the desired ones. Therefore now it is time to be flexible and adopt alternative strategies, to change your mind and your paradigms. Change your attitude! Look for information (there is plenty of it here) and put these new ideas into practice. That is the only way to get results, to transform yourself and become a fulfilled individual.

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In the NLP Workbook: A Practical Guide to Achieving the Results You Want, author Joseph O’Connor continues his introduction to neuro linguistic programming by setting six fundamental pillars. Understanding and applying them is necessary to move on.

1. You
You have to take responsibility, in the sense of response-ability. If the result is poor, that is because you are not sufficiently skilled. This skill is achieved with experience putting knowledge and action together in congruence. Congruence is an important NLP concept: what you say and do is aligned with your vision of the world, your values and goals.

2. Pressupositions
Pressupositions are the principles of NLP, useful ideas to achieve a certain purpose that are taken for granted.

3. Rapport
Rapport is the relational quality of a connection between two communicating individuals. It is said that “good rapport” can be noticed when a sense of ease and trust with each other can be felt and dialog flows smoothly. There are many techniques to establish rapport, which are explored in other sections. But one core action is to understand the associations for meaning of the person you are talking to. Only this way you can speak his language.

4. Outcome
I want to be rich. I want to be famous. These may be wishful thinking, a different category from a well formed outcome. To start with any change, NLP requires that a clear outcome is defined. It is important to know where you are, where you want to be, when, which resources you immediately have and which ones you will get, your deadline and how you will measure your success.

5. Feedback
You have to be an empirical scientist. Everything you do, all the results you get, you have to keep track of everything. This is your feedback. This is how you know you are advancing towards your outcomes. Use your senses (see, touch, hear, taste, smell) to get the feedback.

6. Flexibility
Richard Bandler and John Grinder, authors of Frogs into Princes, have identified that successful people were exceedingly flexible in their approaches and never let their past thinking lock them into a pattern of failure. As you get feedback and notice that your choices are not bringing you closer to your outcome, it is time to try different approaches.

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